7.

I was lying down in the room while Breanna was watching TV just now. Just then, Barney came on and I decided to watch for a minutes since, you know, I found Barney pretty damned cool and noble when I was young.

So after watching, here is my review and honest opinions.

Barney & Friends


Barney & Friends is a (supposedly) educational show for children made in 1992. The show follows the eponymous friendly purple dinosaur of the show as he seeks to instill learning values to his audience through songs and such.

Well let me tell you something, it doesn't work.

In the show, Barney is portrayed as a friendly and cheerful male dinosaur.

On the other hand, in reality, Barney is actually an obese pedophile.

Barney obviously is fighting a losing a battle with his waistline and yet he makes NO attempts at ALL to do the reverse. Oh yeah sure, he's involved in some satanic dancing (more on that later) now and then, but how many times do you actually see him sweat? By doing this Barney is misleading children by allowing them to believe obesity is okay when in reality, it poses serious health risks for the individual affected by it.

To further drive home my point, whenever the children are doing something remotely strenuous, Barney is absolutely no where to be seen. Coincidence or conspiracy (for lack of better word)? You be the judge.

Next, Barney obviously has ideas for the children in the show. Not only is he constantly comforting them with false words of reassurance, but he is also eying them keenly with lustful eyes. Did I mention that purple (Barney's skin color) is known as a "pride" color among the gay community in the world?

The show is also littered with sexual innuendos in the sense that all the dinosaurs are NOT WEARING ANY PANTS. And in what must be the most shocking revelation yet, one of the dinosaurs is named BJ! Oh yeah, sure it could stand for some other thing. But if it did, then why put only the initials of the name? Even if they had insisted on using the initials, why BJ and not AJ or PJ (both more common than BJ)? I see it as a deliberate attempt to paint a provocactive picture in the minds of the children that view the show.

If you watch the show, you'll know that songs are a big part of it and supposedly promote learning. However, from what I've seen, the songs suggest something completely different. Whenever Barney breaks into song, he often accompanies it with a dance. At this moment, all the children simultaneously start dancing as if they're possessed, while Barney giggles like a control freak, clearly aware of the demonic influence he is exercising over his charges. This makes the whole show come across as some cult show, hell bent on converting free thinking individuals into soulless slaves.

Finally, Barney's show centres around all the good things in life. He never speaks about failure and automatically assumes all things to end up great and fine, therefore never exposing his audience to the harsh reality of living.

VERDICT:

All in all, Barney & Friends would be fantastic TV material for a cult worshipping obese family practicing homosexual incestuous relations, but other than that, no.


Thanks for reading.


Note: The review is not meant to be taken seriously and is mostly a joke, except for the last point. Also, I have absolutely nothing against homosexuality.